10 Day Writing Challenge: Day One
A dear friend did this 10 day writing challenge and I have decided to do it as well. Here it goes.
Day One:
Ten things you want to say to 10 different people:
1. I adore you in more ways then I ever thought possible. Your laughter and kindness creeps into the hurt and heals the aches in the deep recesses of my heart. I find in you possibilites I have only imagined and at the same time I so have been longing for. However, I have been scared enough to still keep you at a distance in fear that you are a mirage. You entered my life at a time of immense emotion and change. In the midst of it you have been steadfast in character and love. A love that inspires me. With desires that intimidate and excite me in ways I have never felt. You have seen me at my worse and offered genuine love. Everypart of me has wanted to say "Yes! Yes! Yes!" more times then I can count. When the fear no longer holds me back, will you be able to take the intensity of the love, joy, and desires I intend to offer? I have only shared a small part of my world with you, are you ready for much, much more? Because I think I want to have it all with you.
2. I still love you and always will. The painful tinge of the reality that we could never be will always linger but I know we will both heal. I wish you were ready for what I offered you. I also wish I was smart enough to see you weren't before it hurt us both so much. I forgive you.
3. I miss you often. Even though I know leaving was the right choice. We both have grown and still have been able to stay friends. I know the sting of the dream broken was immense for you. And will always make us being friends even harder. I am sorry for that. Because you are a wonderful man and I miss having you in my life in a more substantial way.
4. You will always by my joy. I support whoever you are and choose to be unconditionally. Be free.
5. You are such a lil man now. I wish for you all the wonders that this world can offer. Embrace it. Be whoever you can be.
6. You have loved me through so much. I know I am still angry at you and I am sorry for how that plays out in our relationship. But I do thoroughly appreciate and love you at the same time. I know you have done more then most and I am glad you are in my life again. It is not perhaps the way both of us would have liked. But I am grateful.
7. My friend I am sorry for my selfishness and arrogance. Life dealt you a raw hand that I deserved much more then you. Our lives intertwined in such a bizarre twist. You were my friend and I yours. We both did regrettably things. I forgive you. I hope you will someday forgive me too.
8. I wasn't her .. the one you wanted. You always said I was something important and special though. I wish your words and actions said the same thing. When will you embrace truth and face me. I am here and I will never go away, because I am the reality. Thank you for at least admitting in your own way your faults. It is at least a start. I will be here waiting.
9. You have been a true friend; I should tell you more often.. I am sorry I couldn't live with the way things were. I love and miss you.
10. If I could turn back time I would have never done it. I was a child, as were you. I am sorry for my part. I wish I can make your life less affected by it. I wish you could look at me without remembering.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
Quotes and Poems
I collect quotes and poems . Here are some of my favorites.
Enjoy:
In a place called Somewhere
There lived happiness
Somewhere was a place of Paradise
But one day from Nowhere
Came Sorrow to the place called Somewhere
Happiness asked Sorrow to leave
The place called Somewhere
Sorrow went back to Nowhere
And then occupied the hearts of people
Who are kind and compassionate
As they never refused anybody a place to stay
So if you feel the pain
Which a person who has lost his mind bears
If your heart aches when you see a tear in someone's eyes
If you are ready to accept such a person and help him
You can be sure
That you have sheltered sorrow in your heart.
~Tito Mukhopadhya, Severely Autistic Teenager from India
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~Rūmī
Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.~Rūmī
"Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens." ~ Epictetus
"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering you own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew." ~Saint Francis de Sales
"Your beliefs don't make you a better person your behavior does" ~Unknown
"Each of us is many persons.
To me I'm who I think I am,
But others see me differently
And are equally mistaken." ~ F. Pessoa
"Action is the antidote to despair" ~Joan Baez
First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.
~Epictetus
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”
~Calvin Coolidge
"'Let yourself become living poetry." ~Rūmī
"Surely the one thing which can bring about a fundamental change, a creative, psychological release, is everyday watchfulness, being aware from moment to moment of our motives, the conscious as well as the unconscious."
~J. Krishnamurti
"As long as we believe we are bodies, we don't have to know that we are infinite, our cells without limit, like music itself, free." ~Bryon Katie
"Let every step you take upon the earth be as a prayer." ♥ ~Black Elk, Lakota Sioux
"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." ~Dalai Lama
"There is no such thing as a simple act of kindness; every single compassionate act sends ripples across the universe" ~Unknown
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
- Friedrick Nietzsche
What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do…?
- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Put away your pointless taboos and restrictions on sexual energy – rather help others to truly understand its wonder, and to channel it properly."
~God, channeled by Neale Donald Walsh
“Whenever a taboo is broken, something good happens, something vitalizing. Taboos after all are only hangovers, the product of diseased minds, you might say, of fearsome people who hadn't the courage to live and who under the guise of morality and religion have imposed these things upon us.”
~ Henry Miller
"And he said, 'Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain." ~Kahlil Gibran
"What is peculiar to modern societies is not that they consigned sex to a shadow existence, but that they dedicated themselves to speaking of it ad infinitum, while exploiting it as the secret." ~Michel Foucault
"If every time you engage in a sex act, you go into a confession box, you will never accept your own sexuality." ~ George Weinberg
"Understand that sexuality is as wide as the sea. Understand that your morality is not law. Understand that we are you. Understand that if we decide to have sex whether safe, safer, or unsafe, it is our decision and you have no rights in our lovemaking."~ Derek Jarman
"Being an INFJ is like carrying around an enormous secret. We sit alone, surrounded by a crowd of people, and not a soul in the room suspects the greatness that lies within us." --Meridian @ INFJ CAFE
"I am an optimist, unrepentant and militant. After all, in order not to be a fool an optimist must know how sad a place the world can be. It is only the pessimist who finds this out anew every day." -- Peter Ustinov
I collect quotes and poems . Here are some of my favorites.
Enjoy:
In a place called Somewhere
There lived happiness
Somewhere was a place of Paradise
But one day from Nowhere
Came Sorrow to the place called Somewhere
Happiness asked Sorrow to leave
The place called Somewhere
Sorrow went back to Nowhere
And then occupied the hearts of people
Who are kind and compassionate
As they never refused anybody a place to stay
So if you feel the pain
Which a person who has lost his mind bears
If your heart aches when you see a tear in someone's eyes
If you are ready to accept such a person and help him
You can be sure
That you have sheltered sorrow in your heart.
~Tito Mukhopadhya, Severely Autistic Teenager from India
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~Rūmī
Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.~Rūmī
"Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens." ~ Epictetus
"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering you own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew." ~Saint Francis de Sales
"Your beliefs don't make you a better person your behavior does" ~Unknown
"Each of us is many persons.
To me I'm who I think I am,
But others see me differently
And are equally mistaken." ~ F. Pessoa
"Action is the antidote to despair" ~Joan Baez
First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.
~Epictetus
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”
~Calvin Coolidge
"'Let yourself become living poetry." ~Rūmī
"Surely the one thing which can bring about a fundamental change, a creative, psychological release, is everyday watchfulness, being aware from moment to moment of our motives, the conscious as well as the unconscious."
~J. Krishnamurti
"As long as we believe we are bodies, we don't have to know that we are infinite, our cells without limit, like music itself, free." ~Bryon Katie
"Let every step you take upon the earth be as a prayer." ♥ ~Black Elk, Lakota Sioux
"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." ~Dalai Lama
"There is no such thing as a simple act of kindness; every single compassionate act sends ripples across the universe" ~Unknown
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
- Friedrick Nietzsche
What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do…?
- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Put away your pointless taboos and restrictions on sexual energy – rather help others to truly understand its wonder, and to channel it properly."
~God, channeled by Neale Donald Walsh
“Whenever a taboo is broken, something good happens, something vitalizing. Taboos after all are only hangovers, the product of diseased minds, you might say, of fearsome people who hadn't the courage to live and who under the guise of morality and religion have imposed these things upon us.”
~ Henry Miller
"And he said, 'Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain." ~Kahlil Gibran
"What is peculiar to modern societies is not that they consigned sex to a shadow existence, but that they dedicated themselves to speaking of it ad infinitum, while exploiting it as the secret." ~Michel Foucault
"If every time you engage in a sex act, you go into a confession box, you will never accept your own sexuality." ~ George Weinberg
"Understand that sexuality is as wide as the sea. Understand that your morality is not law. Understand that we are you. Understand that if we decide to have sex whether safe, safer, or unsafe, it is our decision and you have no rights in our lovemaking."~ Derek Jarman
"Being an INFJ is like carrying around an enormous secret. We sit alone, surrounded by a crowd of people, and not a soul in the room suspects the greatness that lies within us." --Meridian @ INFJ CAFE
"I am an optimist, unrepentant and militant. After all, in order not to be a fool an optimist must know how sad a place the world can be. It is only the pessimist who finds this out anew every day." -- Peter Ustinov
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Through the looking glass darkly
My life never ceases to not amaze me. I have been burning candles at both ends trying to move. I am a week past due on my move by date. My fiancee's house is still a mess and I think we may have to foreclose on it. My fibro has been seriously acting up.
Still no co-pilot to Oregon and I am petrified of falling asleep at the wheel. And now I am not allowed to drink caffeine. See I was at the hospital yesterday and I was diagnosed with a UTI that may be moving into my kidney. Caffeine irritates the urinary tract. Thus no caffeine.
I am not done packing and still not sure if what we plan to take will all fit in the van. The van is in the shop again and of course the symptoms it has been giving me intermittently have not shown themselves at the mechanics. Adjusting the idle is all they did. I still have no home for the cats. And the house has been falling apart. Since deciding to move several things have decided to break.
My life feels like I am in hell at this moment. But amid the darkness there is always light, wonderful beautiful bittersweet light.
I got some good sleep after getting home from the ER yesterday. I woke up early and found Tony still online on Skype, which made me really happy. I didn't go back to bed but I enjoyed the morning as much as possible doing things I love online.
The last week I have had several lovely surprises. I have new friends online, that live in Oregon, that have been very supportive emotionally to me the last few days. I had a lovely visit from my massage therapist friend and a much needed massage. I had a lovely talk with a new friend of ours in Oregon that is also now working at BBHS and would like to house with us there.
More importantly I got up and out today and walked to the Whistlestop cafe for breakfast. I enjoyed the walk very much, even though it was a little nippie. I had joint pain of course, however, I kept thinking about how I will always have this pain. However, instead of thinking about how bad it was and how bad I wanted it to stop, I decided to think about feeling the experience fully as it was. So I did.
I walked meditatively looking at the beautiful morning frost. I thought on reality and experience. I thought on feelings everything because only in doing so can one embrace life and themselves truly. I thought on accepting and loving myself as I am. I though about the pain. I thought on looking through a glass darkly; the way I see my life's perspective.
I feel a new women busting at the seems ready to spring forth. I know that no matter how bad things are in this moment it is just a moment. It will pass. I will move forward in space-time. I will become. I will choose. I will be. I am. Always anew.
Right now I am.a lovely dark giggley beautiful fat goddess. I will be okay. I will find a place; because life always moves things in a wonderful creative orderly fashion. It wants things to be organized. Trust life. Trust the universe. Most of all... always <3 fully. Smooch.
Still no co-pilot to Oregon and I am petrified of falling asleep at the wheel. And now I am not allowed to drink caffeine. See I was at the hospital yesterday and I was diagnosed with a UTI that may be moving into my kidney. Caffeine irritates the urinary tract. Thus no caffeine.
I am not done packing and still not sure if what we plan to take will all fit in the van. The van is in the shop again and of course the symptoms it has been giving me intermittently have not shown themselves at the mechanics. Adjusting the idle is all they did. I still have no home for the cats. And the house has been falling apart. Since deciding to move several things have decided to break.
My life feels like I am in hell at this moment. But amid the darkness there is always light, wonderful beautiful bittersweet light.
I got some good sleep after getting home from the ER yesterday. I woke up early and found Tony still online on Skype, which made me really happy. I didn't go back to bed but I enjoyed the morning as much as possible doing things I love online.
The last week I have had several lovely surprises. I have new friends online, that live in Oregon, that have been very supportive emotionally to me the last few days. I had a lovely visit from my massage therapist friend and a much needed massage. I had a lovely talk with a new friend of ours in Oregon that is also now working at BBHS and would like to house with us there.
More importantly I got up and out today and walked to the Whistlestop cafe for breakfast. I enjoyed the walk very much, even though it was a little nippie. I had joint pain of course, however, I kept thinking about how I will always have this pain. However, instead of thinking about how bad it was and how bad I wanted it to stop, I decided to think about feeling the experience fully as it was. So I did.
I walked meditatively looking at the beautiful morning frost. I thought on reality and experience. I thought on feelings everything because only in doing so can one embrace life and themselves truly. I thought on accepting and loving myself as I am. I though about the pain. I thought on looking through a glass darkly; the way I see my life's perspective.
I feel a new women busting at the seems ready to spring forth. I know that no matter how bad things are in this moment it is just a moment. It will pass. I will move forward in space-time. I will become. I will choose. I will be. I am. Always anew.
Right now I am.a lovely dark giggley beautiful fat goddess. I will be okay. I will find a place; because life always moves things in a wonderful creative orderly fashion. It wants things to be organized. Trust life. Trust the universe. Most of all... always <3 fully. Smooch.
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